You know what hurts the most? - I asked the total stranger sitting on a bench right next to me.
He looked at me like I'm crazy. Maybe I am but after everything, how could I be normal?
What? - He asked still looking at me.
Seeing somebody you love slowly moving away from you. Like I was nothing to him! That hurts...
Especially knowing it's all my fault. I can't watch fake people around people I love and every time, every single time, I decide that something is wrong with me, not them and I just... I start pushing people away from me. Because I... I know I cannot change them, I cannot change the way they see things or people. I can't choose their friends and that kills me.
Sounds selfish, I know but I... I want somebody to choose me over anyone else. I want to be someones first choice, the person they think about when they read all these cute quotes about love.
And I know I'll never find that person because the last one I trusted that way... He betrayed me. And... And there's absolutely no one who could fix me, put my broken pieces together. I cannot live without him, although he is not mine now... Ohh, who am I kidding? He'll always be mine. Even when he doesn't want to, when he wants to forget me, delete me completely from his life... I'll always be there. Watching for him and making sure he's okay, you know. It's always dangerous out there and I just wanna make sure he's safe. Oh my God, why didn't he stop me from saying goodbye ?! Why didn't he chose me over her?! Why?! What have I done, I've never hurt anybody and I was always caring about people, about their feelings... But now, when I'm shattered into pieces, nobody is there for me.
I'm a bad person, ain't I?
Malia, this one is for you. I love you!